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Not My Mother’s Daughter
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A storied journey across the country.
My Ride
Meet Lucy. She's a 2010 Chevy Malibu LTZ with a mocha steel coat, leather seats, a Bose sound system, and a 3.6L V6 engine. We'll be going places together until August. I'll let you know how it goes. Until then, feel free to hit me up with any questions, or check out Chevy's website.My Connections
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Very powerful. My grandson had an assignment for his film class and his was called hate dad. Childhood is not all that it should be.
I liked it. I just want to hug you now. While I can’t say I enjoyed childhood as much as adulthood, I can’t image being fearful of my adults as a child. Brave soul to troll the past.
Love Rod
Wow, Jane. Such a powerful, brave piece. So glad all that’s behind you. If this is your first video attempt, I look forward to what you do next – well done, you!
Very well done. This is my favorite video you have ever done on the new Mac. You have a good voice for this, in the literal and figurative senses.
Bruce Nunnally´s last blog ..2010 Cadillac DTS Platinum
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Wow, Jane.
As a demonstration of Your skill and facility with words, You really captured the feeling of that kind of childhood no one should have to endure, yet many of us did, and many do today. You brilliantly evoke the experience of returning now, without demons within or monsters without. Sad, just sad. It doesn’t even mean anything. Just sad. What a waste it was. Like a sweet roll at a roadside diner, kind of dry and bland and eating it anyway, for comfort, You find none. Sad. A waste.
Then we move on. Love to You.
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So powerful.
Sandi Keene´s last blog ..More digi goodness
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Great job! Making movies gets addictive, just so you know. I’m so grateful for your stories.
Voix´s last blog ..I been innerviewed!
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Wow, this really kicks it up a notch. Well done. This truly takes it to a new level of connection, I’m sure, for your readers – they literally get to hear your voice. And even though we’ve been chatting often throughout your journey, it occurs to me that this isn’t just about you realizing a dream by taking this road trip; it might never have begun if you hadn’t already overcome a nightmare.
I love that you are experimenting with your new technology. It really adds something unexpected, like a little excursion for all of us.
I was reading something on F. Scott Fitzgerald last night, and there’s a quote from him that seems fitting after watching your vid: “Life is essentially a cheat…and the redeeming things are not ‘happiness and pleasure’ but the deeper satisfactions that come out of struggle.”
Moving and insightful.
V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios´s last blog ..The Girl’s Art Journal
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“There are no more enemies here. Or within.” Freedom. At last.
Taking one from childhood:
See Jane fly.
Jane can fly.
Fly, Jane, fly.
Jane flies.
Well done, Jane. Moving… haunting. We feel connected to your story in an even more visceral way— pictures, words—the words that summon mental pictures. The human voice is a powerful component in storytelling, for all it conveys with its cadences and intonations, or monotones that signal the control one must hold over certain stories no matter how distant they are from us in years. You’ve captured this moment of your journey, both now and the one that’s continued since those early days in Reno, without self-pity or victimhood but certainly with the clarity and gravitas of one who has seen both sides, and lived to tell the tale. We can all only hope that wisdom is borne of our pain, and that that is perhaps a bitter reward for the well-examined life. You continue to prove that it is.
My sisters wax nostalgic about visiting our house (which I call Hell House) and I always wonder why – don’t they remember being strapped to posts in the basement all day for punishment, don’t they remember being tied with dog collars in bed every night, one hand on each side of the bed? Years and years of it. To go back doesn’t change a thing. I remember but I don’t want to. Then there’s the stigma about telling. “We do not talk about what goes on in this family!” The threat of silence keeps abuse happening. They do it because they can. I finally stopped trying to understand – abuse is beyond understanding.
So, with tears, I listened to this, watched this, noded in agreement – some childhoods make writers of us, and to live, we create a new lives far different, better, warier, bandaged-over psyches that can finally walk in the world wearing marks only a few will ever see. Tell it, damn it! Tell it! Being in the open now, you’re going to find the walking wounded coming out of the woodwork, a legion of those like me with hidden scars whom you just touched, who now can commiserate with you and each other, even cringing, who name themselves too as surviving former child victims.
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HOly MOly Jane! You’ve had your Mac for 4 days and you did this? Just brilliant. Powerful, haunting, and I hope healing for you.
Katie asked me last night… no told me last night, “Now Jane is a part of our family.” Such untainted wisdom three year olds have. Maybe she instinctively just understands, or maybe from us sharing with her about how her birthfamily is a part of our extended family, I’m not sure… but she gets it that building a family is so much MORE than genetics. I hope you let all of us who want to support and love you become included in your new family.
Julia Janzen´s last blog ..Bloggers Uniting Against Child Internet Pornography
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I loved this, Jane. So much emotion with so few words. Now that you have the Mac, I hope you’ll redo Cousteau’s Daughter. That was an incredible video, even with the bad sound.
I’m with Julia. You already feel like part of the family. If our family of origin isn’t healthy for us, then we have to make our own. By the time your trip is done, you may have the biggest family ever!
EXCELLENT VIDEO! Dang that was amazing. Nice to have a Mac eh?
Michael Janzen´s last blog ..Corn Harvested
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Such a sobering and evocative video. In a short time, you were able to explain an awful lot about your family and the feeling of what it was like to grow up in Reno. And I liked that you played one of the few wordless sixties song to make it onto the charts – Mason Williams “Classical Gas”, I think? I’m not even going to Google it to check. I’m going to have faith. Just like you do.
Pop and Ice´s last blog ..The Secret Drawer
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Very special and moving.
Neil´s last blog ..Too Small, Too Big, Just Right
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Jane, Oh Sweet Jane, you have opened up a well of tears. Tears for you, for me and the many others who’ve endured terrors or will endure them at the hands of their adults. Your words and video evoke the unsettled awareness that “when I grow up …”, is the survival mantra that kept my spirit alive. The hope for a different life one of accomplishment, in which dreams do come true, of independence and freedom to visit the environs aware and undefeated.
WOW, how far we’ve travelled and how far we’ve yet to go! Reminded of hearts filled with kindness and gratitude for people along the way who’ve nurtured, encouraged and empowered us all to breathe life into our dreams. Dream fulfillment has most definitely surpassed the point of their conception.
One month into FINDING MY AMERICA, I’ve buckled up for an endearing and spiritual journey. Wishing you hugs and wings on your roadtrip and wonderful dreams for all.
Living Vicariously,
Tigressreow
PS THANK YOU to all who’ve made this dream come true!
You were brave to even go there Jane.
Amazing video. I hope you’ll do more of these. Fantastic.
Danny´s last blog ..In Defense of Betty Draper
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You’re a brave explorer of the mind – and world.
Mary´s last blog ..Film school
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I’m an interloper. A mostly silent observer. I look forward to your writings. They are powerful to me. This adventure you are on is so brave. It must be freeing to be brave. Thanks for letting others experience this with you.
I am greatful to be able to share your journey – especially the powerful, soul searching episodes.
I watched this a few days ago. Great job on the video and thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
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Jane, coffee doesn’t taste the same since you left. How did you make it taste better? I’m still stumped. The porch, the view of the city, even the much needed and welcomed rain is missing something- you.
Our driveway is without color now. Amazing how a car can make normally tight-lipped neighbors walking by, not only smile and say “hi”, but strike up a conversation. Since you left, I’ve been asked, not how I’m doing mind you, but how’s that yellow Camaro and where is it?
Same at Starbucks~ “where’s your friend?”
Seriously, Starbucks should sponsor your coffee consumption during your journey. If they only knew how much you love their lattes & look for their sign when you approach
a new city. They get more free advertising from you on the web than any site except theirs!
Connie at GM? If you’re reading this, many thanks, many.
Looking forward to hearing where we’re all going next Jane and who we’re going to meet through your most observant eyes.
Keep warm and journey on~
Suz
Suzi Kressler´s last blog ..Albondiga Soup
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What a wonderful start to your journey! I love the Reno entry. Reminds me of a woman I know well and her mother from Las Vegas. Just a quick note to let you know I’m following along and my offer still stands. Great entries. My goose-bumps, while smiling; have goose-bumps.
Ah, now I know why you seemed so restless while you were here. I thought it might have been me, that too much time had gone by. But that was not it. Reno is your past and while visiting the past is at times something we all must do, we also must not dwell in or or stay in it. You were restless to move on, to finally realize the past is just that….the past. I love you, dear friend.
Obviously, you know by now that I am only getting to check out your journey whenever “I am able to land a computer…” — I’m disappointed, I am not able to read the story “Not my Mother’s Daughter” — where did it go? That one I needed to read, if you catch my drift…